Angel with Crooked Feet Foundation

It's mistreatment of a child that results in harm or injury. Child abuse falls into four category. Physical Abuse, Sexually Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Neglect.

Physical Abuse

Deliberately hurting a child by beating, biting or shaking, or using physical force of any nature

Children can suffer physically. Abuse can lead to painful injuries and serious medical problems. In severe cases, the damage can lead to permanent disability, even death.

Children suffer emotionally as well. Children depend on adults for security, acceptance and guidance. When adults hurt or disregard them, their world can seem doubtful and upsetting.

Emotional or psychological harm, This includes:

• Behavioral problems - these can show up as withdrawal, seductive or aggressive behavior, running away, eating disorders, abandonment issues.
• Depression, hopelessness, sadness, despairs.
• Anxiety, fear, apprehension
• Nightmares or difficulty sleeping.

Sexual abuse can be

Physical For example:

• Fondling or any kind of unacceptable touching
• Rape or attempted rape
• Using a child to create pornography

Nonphysical For example

• Indecent exposure
• Plain talk about sex intended to alarm the child or generate his or her curiosity
• Allowing the child to watch or hear sexual acts or materials.

A child may be sexually abused by:

• Parents or foster parents
• An older brother or sister
• Other relatives
• A baby sitter
• Teachers or other school staff
• Residential or day. Care staff. youth activity leaders
• There is no "typical" child abuser. They come from all economic, ethnic and social groups.

Incidents of abuse may occur just once or be repeated many times over several years

Why learn about child sexual abuse?

For the reason that it's more common than many people think and its effects can be devastating.

Child sexual abuse hurts:

• The child
• Victims of sexual abuse may be girls or boys of any age. The abuse can cause serious and long-lasting psychological harm.
• Family and friends of the victim
• Learning that a loved one has been sexually abused can be very painful. If friends or family members are involved in the abuse, they may be covering up the problem and feeling guilty.

Society.

• Sexual abuse may lead to shattered families, crime and other problems.

Sexual abusers don't look different than anyone else. They can be:

• Male or female
• Most abusers are men, but women may abuse children as well.
• Young or old
• Abusers come from all age groups. Some abusers may not be much older than the victim.
• Of any race or income level
• Abuse is a problem among the rich and poor of all skin colors.
• From the city, suburbs or country Abusers come from every kind of community.

The reasons people abuse are complex.

• The causes of sexual abuse vary from person to person.
• Abuse is often the result of emotional problems.
• People with low self-esteem or a need to have power over other may sexually abuse a child in order to feel powerful and in control. Parents with sexual problems may turn to their children to meet their needs.
• Abuse may start as an impulse.
• At first, it may be a response to a traumatic experience or circumstances. But it can increase into a pattern that involves serious sexual disorders.
• Alcohol or other drugs may play a part.
• The use of alcohol or other drugs can reduce self-control, making child sexual abuse more likely.
• There may be a history of abuse.
• Many abusers were themselves abused as children. The pattern of abuse can be passed from one generation to the next.

A child can be sexually abused anywhere and any time.

For example, a child may be abused:

• At home or away from other family members
• At school -- whether public or private
• In town or in the country -- or anyplace in between
• At night -- or in broad daylight.
• Abusers may even use computer networks to attract children and send out pornographic material.

How abuse happens

The abuser may try to control the victim by various means, including:

• Intimidation, threats, bulling.
• The abuser may try to control the child by using force or the power of authority.
• The child may be afraid not to go along with what the abuser tells him or her to do.

Deceit.

For example,

• The abuser may deceive the child into "playing a fun game," which results in unacceptable physical contact.

Bribes

• The abuser may promise the child special treatment or gifts if he or she goes along with the abuser's desires.

Afterwards, the abuser may make the child promise not to tell.

The consequence of sexual abuse on a child can be serious and long-lasting.

Emotional or psychological harm, This includes:

• Behavioral problems - these can show up as withdrawal, seductive or aggressive behavior, running away, eating disorders
• Depression, hopelessness, sadness, despairs.
• Anxiety, fear, apprehension
• Uncertainty about characteristics of sexually
• Nightmares or difficulty sleeping.

Some of these signs may not be obvious until the child has become an adult.

Physical harm This includes:

• Injury to the genital area
• Painful urination or stomachaches
• Sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS.

Feelings of guilt

• The victim needs professional help to realize that he or she is not to blame for the abuse.

A loss of trust

• Victims of abuse may have trouble forming close relationships.

Self -destructive behavior

• Some children may feel they should "pay" for their involvement in the abuse. They may turn to sexual "acting out," prostitution or abuse of alcohol or other drugs. They may even commit suicide.

A loss of self-esteem

• Many victims of abuse feel worthless and unlovable. It can affect their performance in school or at work, and their personal relationships.
• Pregnancy
• Female victims who have reached puberty at the time of the abuse are at risk for pregnancy.

Sexual problems

• Victims of sexual abuse may develop unhealthy attitudes about sex. It may be difficult for them to find satisfying relationships later in life.

Warning signs of child abuse

If you spend time around children, be alert for:

Physical signs

• Note any unusual pattern or location of injuries, such as; bruises, welts or broken bones. cuts or scrapes
• Burns
• Missing hair
• Injuries or redness around the genitals
• Injuries at different stages of healing
• Injury or medical condition that hasn't been properly treated. The child or parent may explain these injuries as accidents.

Child's appearance.

• Young children who are neglected or abused may be dirty and poorly groomed. Clothing may be in poor condition or not suited to the weather.

Child's behavior, Abuse can lead to major changes in behavior, such as:

• Aggressive or withdrawn behavior. Unusual fears (of certain people, of going home, etc.)
• Craving for attention
• Fatigue
• Lack of concentration
• Hunger, begging for food, stealing
• Frequent tardiness or absence from school
• Unusual knowledge of sex.

Adult's behavior

An adult who is abusing a child may

• Harshly punish the child in public. Refer to the child as "difficult, different" or "bad"
• Seem unconcerned about the child
• Give conflicting stories about injuries
• Become defensive when asked about the child's health.

Children may talk of being abused.

• Take what they say and any suspicions you have seriously.

Signs like these don't always mean abuse. But it's best to find out for sure. Act now if you suspect or know of abuse.

Help prevent child sexual abuse.

Be sure to:

• Discuss sexuality with your children in an open and honest way.
• Teach your child to say no if someone tries to touch sexual parts of his or her body.
• Be alert for clues in your child's behavior that may signal abuse.
• Listen carefully to your child. He or she may not talk about a problem directly, but your child may give a verbal clue that something is wrong.
• Let children know they can speak openly with you. Tell them they don't need to keep a secret if someone does something to them that is confusing or uncomfortable.
• Seek help if you or your partner is having difficulty meeting each other's sexual needs.

Teach children what to do if approached or abused.

Tell them to:

• Get away from a stranger who tries to lure them with offers of gifts, a ride, etc.
• Say no to anyone who tries to sexually abuse them.
• Run for help if someone tries to abuse them.
• Tell an adult what happened as soon as possible.
• Realize they're not guilty if they were abused. It wasn't their fault.

If you think a child has been sexually abused, here's how you can help:

• Control your emotions. Stay calm. Fear and anger are normal reactions, but they can frighten the child. Be sure not to blame, punish or embarrass the child.
• Give emotional support. Tell the child that he or she was right to tell and is not to blame. Reassure the child that he or she is safe and that no harm will come from reporting the incident.
• Don't deny the problem. Believe the child, no matter how hard it may be. Never assume the child is making it up.
• Get information. Find out as much as you can about what happened before, during and after the incident.
• Get medical assistance. Contact a health-care provider for treatment of any physical injuries. Ask the health-care provider to refer you to a counselor experienced in handling sexual abuse.
• Contact the appropriate social agency.
• Agencies that can help include child abuse centers and the Child Welfare or Child Protective Services unit of the Department of Social Services. These agencies can give psychological and emotional treatment to the victim and family. They may also be able to help the abuser, if he or she is a friend or family member.

What you can do about sexual abuse:

As a parent

• Know where your children are who they're with and what they're doing.
• Ask children what happens when they're alone with baby sitters, friends, etc.
• Encourage your children to talk about any problems or questions they have.

As a member of the community

• Support efforts of social agencies and police to deal with the problem.
• Encourage treatment for the child and abuser.
• Support children's rights to accurate information about sexual abuse.

You can help protect children from sexual abuse.

• Find out about the causes, extent and effects of sexual abuse.
• Teach children about sexual abuse and how to take precautions.
• Be alert for signs of sexual abuse in children you know.
• Give emotional support to a child who has been sexually abused.
• Give your support to programs that are working to prevent sexual abuse.
• Keeping children safe from sexual abuse is everyone's responsibility.

Emotional abuse -- for example, crushing a child's spirit with threats or put-downs.

Sometimes children are not hurt with Physical abuse, but by word that grown-up or other children say to them.

• Children are told that they are stupid. Or that they are no good. Or that they are ugly. We know that these words hurt too.
• Emotional abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse. But it can be harder to see because words don't leave marks on the outside of children. Words leave marks on the inside.

When children are emotionally neglected, it is as if a part of them dies inside. When no one will give them the message that they are important, either through words or through, smiles or, hugs or attention, they feels unloved. When child go through life without love and attention, they think they do not deserve love.

When children think that they do not deserve love and attention, they may become sad and withdraw from the world. They will think that other people do not care for them, and they will not make any effort to get love from others.

Or it makes them angry. They may become mad at the world and get into trouble. They may think that if they are not loved, then it makes no difference how they act.

Results can include:

Low self-esteem.

• Children naturally think that adults are always correct. So, abused children may grow up believing they are bad and deserving of abuse.
• Problems with feelings Emotional damage from abuse can stunt a child's emotional growth. Later in life, the child may be unable to show his or her feelings -- or to understand others' feelings.
• Problems with relationships
• Poor emotional development and lack of trust can make meaningful relationships difficult as an adult.

Neglect -- for example,

• Failing to provide for emotional needs (love, attention, etc.)
• Physical needs (food, clothing, shelter, etc.);
• Failure to offer supervision. (No Boundary, Letting the child rule you, giving in to the demand of the child.)

All abuse has emotional effects that can last a lifetime.

Results can include:

• Low self-esteem
• Social isolation
• Marital problems
• Financial troubles
• Illness
• Lack of parenting skills
• Abuse of alcohol and other drugs

Many adult abusers were abused as children. Victims of child abuse should seek help -- no matter how long ago the abuse occurred.

Do not let the darkness of the past keep you from the light of today.

No matter what has happen to you we must learn to forgive the abuse and most of all yourselves. We do not have to carry the guilt of other.

This was written my Dr Anthony Sarjant a survivor of sexual abuse and author of Angel with Crooked feet.

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